I could've sworn that I wrote something yesterday. I guess not.. maybe I just thought about writing.. Who knows? My dreams have been getting more and more vivid and have been having similar themes. Dolphins, water, etc. This signifies big changes. The most dramatic one last night had something to do with being in an enclosure and near a pool. There was a major flood and the sea level rose substantially and covered/filled everything with water. I was overly worried about how we would handle sewage for some reason. Given the drasticness (is that a word) of the situation the government decided to release a nuclear bomb in the water (gulf) near where we were. It created a large hole in the ground and the water drained into it so the flooding wasn't so severe. There was water everywhere. That was one in the series of dreams last night. I've been having 3 or so memorable dreams every night.
I hope the changes coming are good ones - for all of us, but of course I'm partial to myself and the boys. And given our situation I am nervous. Today I learned that the therapist may not be there or write a letter on our behalf. I'm hoping that I can sway her to do so, but I might have to deal with it if she does not. The next day and a half I have to spend getting paperwork together to present my case - as much information as possible so that I can be prepared next week since the boys will be with me until we go to the hearing. I hope that I collect the right information and I'm able to present it in a way that best serves our purpose.
Beyond that, everything else is moving. I still haven't sold any of the furniture yet. I had a no show yesterday which irritated me because I planned (didn't plan) the whole day around the fact that she was coming. No phone call - no nothing. GRRRRR.. stupid irresponsible people. I despise dishonesty. I know that there's still a little bit of time for selling things. Worse comes to worse I can donate and take a tax write off... I'm sure that I can find some people that could use some of the furniture as well. That I'm not too worried about. In other words, I won't be stuck with it and I'm sure I won't need to throw it away. I still have no concept of how much stuff will fit in our trailer. I guess we'll find out.
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Monday, June 28, 2010
Reminder of Unfinished Business Day
As you well know Monday is always Reminder of Unfinished Business Day. It comes every week, and with it comes - well, reminders of unfinished business.
Today wasn't that bad of a day in that respect. I'm reminded of the biggest pending situation that I have to deal with - my ex husband and how he impacts my children.
the first few hours are always the hardest. As soon as they come into my possession it's a dumping of everything he's done and said over the last however many days. It's hard for me to hear all of it. He's buying our love. He's saying bad things about you. He's having sex with his girlfriend while we're in the house. The girlfriend wants us to move. We hate the girlfriend's kids. etc etc etc. Believe it or not, the ones that I like to hear are the ones that say - we had a good time. we did something fun... as long as that's not followed by a but then he started being a "butt". Sometimes a part of me gets disheartened when I hear them say that they had a good time - only because I wonder if his ploys and games are conning them. I don't try to dispel it or quash it. Whatever emotion the boys have is their emotion - and they're entitled to it. I don't like it when Jamie talks smack about me. The boys don't seem to like it either. I don't talk that way about him. It upsets me. It upsets me the way he treats them and the disrespect that he shows me and them. I just don't like it.
I'm hoping that court will solve this, but somehow I know that it won't. it'll still be there in some capacity. Maybe we just won't have to deal with it as much. I don't know. This will be one issue that I won't miss dealing with.
Beyond that, things are moving, I think. I'm not sure what I'm going to accomplish today, but it needs to be something - whether it's packing a box or moving papers around or something - it needs to be progress.. one less unfinished item to deal with. *phew*
onward and upward
Today wasn't that bad of a day in that respect. I'm reminded of the biggest pending situation that I have to deal with - my ex husband and how he impacts my children.
the first few hours are always the hardest. As soon as they come into my possession it's a dumping of everything he's done and said over the last however many days. It's hard for me to hear all of it. He's buying our love. He's saying bad things about you. He's having sex with his girlfriend while we're in the house. The girlfriend wants us to move. We hate the girlfriend's kids. etc etc etc. Believe it or not, the ones that I like to hear are the ones that say - we had a good time. we did something fun... as long as that's not followed by a but then he started being a "butt". Sometimes a part of me gets disheartened when I hear them say that they had a good time - only because I wonder if his ploys and games are conning them. I don't try to dispel it or quash it. Whatever emotion the boys have is their emotion - and they're entitled to it. I don't like it when Jamie talks smack about me. The boys don't seem to like it either. I don't talk that way about him. It upsets me. It upsets me the way he treats them and the disrespect that he shows me and them. I just don't like it.
I'm hoping that court will solve this, but somehow I know that it won't. it'll still be there in some capacity. Maybe we just won't have to deal with it as much. I don't know. This will be one issue that I won't miss dealing with.
Beyond that, things are moving, I think. I'm not sure what I'm going to accomplish today, but it needs to be something - whether it's packing a box or moving papers around or something - it needs to be progress.. one less unfinished item to deal with. *phew*
onward and upward
Sunday, June 27, 2010
Ok...
I feel a little bit better... After unpacking/repacking several boxes.. going through pictures.. ($*&# ex-husband, and WOW my kids are/were cute), listing a few items on craigslist, and doing some re-organizing I don't feel QUITE as bad as I did before.. I'm starting to worry a lot though that everything isn't going to fit in the car. I still have all of our "every day" crap to pack which of course will be last minute.. and a few pieces of furniture. Even though I can get measurements for the trailer, I really have no concept of how much stuff will fit in it. And of course, there's box tetris.. which, I must say, is one of my favorites.
I have decided, however, that I've got more stuff to do today, including some vacuuming and more repacking..and that even though I REALLY should go to the gym, I just don't want to leave the house. I think I'll survive. I wonder what I can come up with for dinner.
oh well. back to work.
I have decided, however, that I've got more stuff to do today, including some vacuuming and more repacking..and that even though I REALLY should go to the gym, I just don't want to leave the house. I think I'll survive. I wonder what I can come up with for dinner.
oh well. back to work.
Frustration sets in...
Truth be told, it was already here.. but today has been especially bad. I never know how the day will go. Being an empath allows/causes you to absorb all the emotions that everyone around you feels unless you have all your shields up. I hate having shields up.
I hate reality TV. I loathe it... and at the same time, there's some of it that I'll watch. I like some of the shows on Planet Green: Wasted, 30 days etc. They do add an element of drama to things, but no forboding music and no staged for TV mess etc. It just is what it is. The point is to show you what's going on. I've taken to watching the show hoarders on occasion. This is not something that's scheduled to record on my DVR.. but if there's nothing on TV and I see it there, then I'll watch it. Well, last night I fell asleep watching it and I had recorded an episode. I finished watching it about a half hour ago.
I have a pile of packed, partially packed, and unpacked boxes in my living room. Sometimes, since it's kind of in the corner, I can just kind of tune it out. Sometimes I can't. Today, I can't. That pile of boxes has been there since ~ November. Growing, shrinking - whatever. I've been packing it since I was planning for the move to take place in January. I unpacked some boxes, repacked some boxes and tried to pack things much more efficiently than previously packed to get the number of boxes to less. I'm not renting storage and I'm not renting a moving truck. If it doesn't fit in my car and the trailer I'll be pulling - then it'll have to be shipped or left behind. End of story. Hard to believe that most of the things that I own fit into a couple of dozen boxes in the corner of my living room. The girl that used to have over 20 boxes of Christmas decorations now only has about 3. That's amazing to me. I guess I didn't really need all of that stuff - whatever it is.. Some of it was left behind with the divorce and some of it has been donated since.
I told Grey not that long ago that when I looked at that stack of boxes, I saw the hoarder's houses.. Things piled to the rafters and just mess.. He told me I was crazy. My mother is a packrat. all of her boxes are color coded, categorized and indexed. I'm not kidding. She's also a neat freak. While she's got cabinets and cabinets of stuff - figurines, dishes, etc. It's all neatly organized and regularly dusted. I can't deal with all of that crap everywhere. My house, especially since I've lived on my own, has always been spartan. I like it that way. Less mess to clean. Of course, it also makes it a bit plain. I'm planning on making things a bit more "homey" when we get moved. All that having been said, I'm not a neat freak. There is clutter. I can tolerate a certain amount of it and then I reach a threshold and I'm done.. it's garbage/donation/organizing/whatever for whatever that crap is that's laying around. It's hard to do that when you're moving? (yes I meant the question mark).
All of the uncertainty has made everything so tentative. While I feel in my heart that we're going, I fear in my mind that we won't. I hate to even put that in writing - it gives it power. So all of this uncertainty has led to keeping furniture that won't make the trip with us, but is kind of nice to have while we're still here. Beds, cabinets, shelves, tables, etc. At the same time, it's really hard to realize that we're moving when there's still a house full of crap. Ok.. it's not that bad, but it sure feels like it sometimes.
I can see that today will be spent in a combination of efforts: trying not to pull my hair out, trying to figure out how to pack a few things (like my wings and tutus), repacking a few boxes, picking up garbage and recycling, cleaning, organizing, and hopefully putting some things on craigslist. I put several things on there back in January and when they didn't sell I just didn't pursue it anymore. That needs to kick into high gear. I just can't deal with this anymore.
I also need to clear my head and I think calming the clutter and mess does that. I've already moved a lot of stuff around, prepped a cabinet to be put on craigslist and moved out of the dining room. gone through a cabinet and pulled the last few things out of it. Cleaned out/organized (a little) my bathroom supplies...and moved around some stuff... there's just so many things that I don't know what to do with or can't seem to get rid of... I've got 2 vases that I can't seem to part with and yet I know I've had that thought (should I get rid of these) at least 4 times previously.. one when I moved out with the divorce and at least 3 since then. Right now they're sitting on my counter where I will likely look at them and think the same thing a few more times before I finally either pack them or donate them. I've already got a box of stuff to donate to goodwill sitting in the dining room with everything from Christmas ornaments to monkey t-shirts in it. When does it ever end?
At the same time that I'm doing all of that, I'm sitting here thinking to myself.. there's so much STUFF that I want to get once we get moved. Since I'm not planning on doing another cross-country move again (once I'm out there I want to stay out there), then I won't need to get rid of all of my stuff again. This is in theory of course. I suppose if I move up the west coast it could be almost or just as far.. Somehow I don't think that would happen. I don't think I want to be THAT far north... but anyway.. I hear myself saying this and think.. oh god - you're going to become just like one of them - you'll be a hoarder!
I can see that I may have had some hoarding tendencies in the past.. oh look it's on sale and oh look yes we need 5 things of bubbles or whatever.. but it's never been as bad as what they have on TV. When I helped my friend Krista clean out her mom's house I think that cured me of ever having much clutter. Krista's mom had been hoarding for about 5 years and compulsive shopping. There was garbage laying around everywhere, boxes, food, clothes, you name it... It was horrible. We cleaned out her house and I helped Krista start remodeling. The cleanout was great.. horrible for her mother. And neither one of us - Krista or myself, understood why/how it got that way. I see the mentality - holding on to stuff to ease pain.. some of us sometimes do it with food *looks away* or whatever.. but I guess my inability to deal with junk underfoot keeps me in check. I think back to the days when my mom would ask me to go to the "back room" and look for something. Piles and stacks of boxes in this kind of scary, dark room and wondering what the method to the madness was - how it was organized etc. Now she's got shelves and shelves, and like I said everything is boxed, color coded, and indexed. it's still a disaster. I don't want to be like that. "Some" extra is ok.. it's ok to have 16 plates when you only regularly use 12.. it's ok to have 1 extra bottle of ketchup in the pantry, etc etc.. it's not ok to have 5 superman cake pans (all the same) that you purchased at Michael's because they were $1 a piece and it's not ok to have 200 canning jars when you only need 50. If you REALLY needed 50 more for a certain project - then go buy them for that specific project - but not just keeping them around.
Anyway... that all brings me to this.. I'm so ready to move on. I'm ready to be free of this space and this town and all of this stuff. I may get rid of another chunk of it once I get moved - although I'll feel stupid for hauling it all the way out there. I just am tired of being hindered/tied down here. There are a lot of things I'm tired of - like cleaning up after the cat.. I feel like she's destroying everything by puking on it or covering it with her cat hair. I'm tired of her pulling bits of catfood out of the bowl and then stepping on them. I'm tired of getting up in the morning bleary eyed and stepping in a freshly hurled pile of cat puke.. I'm just tired of it.
I keep asking myself if all of this is necessary.. is it all a process of letting go? Will I regret it? I feel bad thinking bad thoughts about the cat, but come on... this is out of control. The excess, the packing, the cleaning, the moving stuff around, the selling, the WAITING... I would've been gone 6 months ago if I could.. it would've been insane, but I would've done it.. This is likely to be insane as well - but I can't wait to do it..
I hope that by the end of the day I'm not as frustrated - or perhaps not as frustrated by as many things. If I can make a dent in this disaster, it will be so much better - and if I can't - well.. it'll be the same story tomorrow.
I hate reality TV. I loathe it... and at the same time, there's some of it that I'll watch. I like some of the shows on Planet Green: Wasted, 30 days etc. They do add an element of drama to things, but no forboding music and no staged for TV mess etc. It just is what it is. The point is to show you what's going on. I've taken to watching the show hoarders on occasion. This is not something that's scheduled to record on my DVR.. but if there's nothing on TV and I see it there, then I'll watch it. Well, last night I fell asleep watching it and I had recorded an episode. I finished watching it about a half hour ago.
I have a pile of packed, partially packed, and unpacked boxes in my living room. Sometimes, since it's kind of in the corner, I can just kind of tune it out. Sometimes I can't. Today, I can't. That pile of boxes has been there since ~ November. Growing, shrinking - whatever. I've been packing it since I was planning for the move to take place in January. I unpacked some boxes, repacked some boxes and tried to pack things much more efficiently than previously packed to get the number of boxes to less. I'm not renting storage and I'm not renting a moving truck. If it doesn't fit in my car and the trailer I'll be pulling - then it'll have to be shipped or left behind. End of story. Hard to believe that most of the things that I own fit into a couple of dozen boxes in the corner of my living room. The girl that used to have over 20 boxes of Christmas decorations now only has about 3. That's amazing to me. I guess I didn't really need all of that stuff - whatever it is.. Some of it was left behind with the divorce and some of it has been donated since.
I told Grey not that long ago that when I looked at that stack of boxes, I saw the hoarder's houses.. Things piled to the rafters and just mess.. He told me I was crazy. My mother is a packrat. all of her boxes are color coded, categorized and indexed. I'm not kidding. She's also a neat freak. While she's got cabinets and cabinets of stuff - figurines, dishes, etc. It's all neatly organized and regularly dusted. I can't deal with all of that crap everywhere. My house, especially since I've lived on my own, has always been spartan. I like it that way. Less mess to clean. Of course, it also makes it a bit plain. I'm planning on making things a bit more "homey" when we get moved. All that having been said, I'm not a neat freak. There is clutter. I can tolerate a certain amount of it and then I reach a threshold and I'm done.. it's garbage/donation/organizing/whatever for whatever that crap is that's laying around. It's hard to do that when you're moving? (yes I meant the question mark).
All of the uncertainty has made everything so tentative. While I feel in my heart that we're going, I fear in my mind that we won't. I hate to even put that in writing - it gives it power. So all of this uncertainty has led to keeping furniture that won't make the trip with us, but is kind of nice to have while we're still here. Beds, cabinets, shelves, tables, etc. At the same time, it's really hard to realize that we're moving when there's still a house full of crap. Ok.. it's not that bad, but it sure feels like it sometimes.
I can see that today will be spent in a combination of efforts: trying not to pull my hair out, trying to figure out how to pack a few things (like my wings and tutus), repacking a few boxes, picking up garbage and recycling, cleaning, organizing, and hopefully putting some things on craigslist. I put several things on there back in January and when they didn't sell I just didn't pursue it anymore. That needs to kick into high gear. I just can't deal with this anymore.
I also need to clear my head and I think calming the clutter and mess does that. I've already moved a lot of stuff around, prepped a cabinet to be put on craigslist and moved out of the dining room. gone through a cabinet and pulled the last few things out of it. Cleaned out/organized (a little) my bathroom supplies...and moved around some stuff... there's just so many things that I don't know what to do with or can't seem to get rid of... I've got 2 vases that I can't seem to part with and yet I know I've had that thought (should I get rid of these) at least 4 times previously.. one when I moved out with the divorce and at least 3 since then. Right now they're sitting on my counter where I will likely look at them and think the same thing a few more times before I finally either pack them or donate them. I've already got a box of stuff to donate to goodwill sitting in the dining room with everything from Christmas ornaments to monkey t-shirts in it. When does it ever end?
At the same time that I'm doing all of that, I'm sitting here thinking to myself.. there's so much STUFF that I want to get once we get moved. Since I'm not planning on doing another cross-country move again (once I'm out there I want to stay out there), then I won't need to get rid of all of my stuff again. This is in theory of course. I suppose if I move up the west coast it could be almost or just as far.. Somehow I don't think that would happen. I don't think I want to be THAT far north... but anyway.. I hear myself saying this and think.. oh god - you're going to become just like one of them - you'll be a hoarder!
I can see that I may have had some hoarding tendencies in the past.. oh look it's on sale and oh look yes we need 5 things of bubbles or whatever.. but it's never been as bad as what they have on TV. When I helped my friend Krista clean out her mom's house I think that cured me of ever having much clutter. Krista's mom had been hoarding for about 5 years and compulsive shopping. There was garbage laying around everywhere, boxes, food, clothes, you name it... It was horrible. We cleaned out her house and I helped Krista start remodeling. The cleanout was great.. horrible for her mother. And neither one of us - Krista or myself, understood why/how it got that way. I see the mentality - holding on to stuff to ease pain.. some of us sometimes do it with food *looks away* or whatever.. but I guess my inability to deal with junk underfoot keeps me in check. I think back to the days when my mom would ask me to go to the "back room" and look for something. Piles and stacks of boxes in this kind of scary, dark room and wondering what the method to the madness was - how it was organized etc. Now she's got shelves and shelves, and like I said everything is boxed, color coded, and indexed. it's still a disaster. I don't want to be like that. "Some" extra is ok.. it's ok to have 16 plates when you only regularly use 12.. it's ok to have 1 extra bottle of ketchup in the pantry, etc etc.. it's not ok to have 5 superman cake pans (all the same) that you purchased at Michael's because they were $1 a piece and it's not ok to have 200 canning jars when you only need 50. If you REALLY needed 50 more for a certain project - then go buy them for that specific project - but not just keeping them around.
Anyway... that all brings me to this.. I'm so ready to move on. I'm ready to be free of this space and this town and all of this stuff. I may get rid of another chunk of it once I get moved - although I'll feel stupid for hauling it all the way out there. I just am tired of being hindered/tied down here. There are a lot of things I'm tired of - like cleaning up after the cat.. I feel like she's destroying everything by puking on it or covering it with her cat hair. I'm tired of her pulling bits of catfood out of the bowl and then stepping on them. I'm tired of getting up in the morning bleary eyed and stepping in a freshly hurled pile of cat puke.. I'm just tired of it.
I keep asking myself if all of this is necessary.. is it all a process of letting go? Will I regret it? I feel bad thinking bad thoughts about the cat, but come on... this is out of control. The excess, the packing, the cleaning, the moving stuff around, the selling, the WAITING... I would've been gone 6 months ago if I could.. it would've been insane, but I would've done it.. This is likely to be insane as well - but I can't wait to do it..
I hope that by the end of the day I'm not as frustrated - or perhaps not as frustrated by as many things. If I can make a dent in this disaster, it will be so much better - and if I can't - well.. it'll be the same story tomorrow.
Saturday, June 26, 2010
from morning until now
Today I got up with the best of intentions.. actually I don't know what my intentions were.. but they were to do something. I was supposed to go help a friend with her truck at the Pride parade at 8:30 and then go to Hands Across the Sand at 11ish. Well, once I finally got to Pride (in my tutu and fairy wings), I found out the parade didn't start until 10. Fast forward.. I'm sitting in the truck at 10:40 and we are pulling out towards the parade route.. grr... ok.. maybe I'll make it..maybe not..
I thought that if I left around 11:40 I could still make it to Hands in time for joining hands at 12. Next time I looked at the clock it was 11:47 or something like that.. we were still on the parade route.. um.. maybe not..
Ok, so I shirked my demonstration duties. I'm very passionate about the cause.... BUT
But, I was having so much fun.. and I was happy to support my friends who are gay/bi. Of course everyone there thought I was gay, despite my little tiny button that I'd acquired from a very cute gay man that said "boy kisser". He had one too. He didn't seem offended when I took one from him (they were giving out both gender to everyone and had LOADS), but he did seem a little bit surprised... It was a BLAST.. I was dancing in the truck, outside the truck, while I was driving the truck.. Honestly, it's the most fun I've had in a very long time. Even amidst hundreds/thousands of men dressed in leather and harnesses, drag queens, and various and sundry other unusualties?(oddities?), I was still a novelty.. Still got my picture taken.. still got goofy looks. I'll never understand that.. must be something about me in particular.. just a freak.. maybe people see a kindred spirit.. maybe they just see a weirdo. I'll only regret it if someone walks up to me in the grocery store and says "Hey! Aren't you that girl from Pride that wore the tutu and the fairy wings?"... Then I'll shrink back in my hole. My only solace at that point is that I hopefully won't be here for that to happen.. Time is getting short.. Thank Cat!
I'm wretchedly sunburnt... some days it doesn't even occur to me to put sunscreen on.. today it was.. well I'm not going to be out all day and I've got glitter on and the 2 just don't work together.. excuses excuses.. I'm lobster! It's ok.. hopefully this will be the exten of the damage that my skin gets during its remainder of term in Florida.. I vow to make a strong attempt at thinking about considering putting sunscreen on for any further forays outside.. maybe. No, seriously I ought to because if I don't I may start looking my age and that would be AWFUL! *note to self - wear sunscreen or = old. ok.. now just to remember that..planning and forethought..
so during the rest of the day today I've been chatting with an awesome friend, and painting... I painted the upstairs hallway.. it was the last vestige of unpainted wall in this house (barring closets which I do not paint). I'm glad it's done.. it looks good.. much better than randomly black/dirt marked construction vanilla walls. it's a shame that completing such a largish project doesn't get more credit than a single cross off of a line.. *snif*. It was more work than taking down Forest's stars, or paying the cable bill.. it needs a party for such an accomplishment.. especially since it's taken me what? almost 3 years to get it done.. well, it's done.. now all I have to do is wait for the paint to finish drying and put the switchplates on... wonder how long it'll take me to accomplish that.. LOL the first time that I stick my finger into the open light switch and electrocute myself is when I'll do it.. no.. I'll do it before that... I'm not THAT bad (she says smacking her head from past experience).
I told another friend today that I was going "radio silent". Really I just didn't want to speak to him.. I told him that I wasn't answering phone calls or emails or responding to facebook until Monday. I wonder if I can make it that long. I'll probably respond to everyone but him (except facebook). I'm really tired of the current mentality of drama and that's what it all comes down to.. Everyone wants to speculate and blame someone or something else for the shittiness of their lives. Own up people - ya did it to yourself. Accept it.. no mother ship is going to come and save you from it... if you want things to be different, then change them. BTW, blame is pointless and accomplishes nothing. Owning that you screwed up - valuable.. beyond that.. it means nothing. The point is learning from your mistakes.
And so that brings us to now... and what comes next? I have no clue. I feel a Slurpee may be in my future.. my celebration for completing such a magnanimous project (ha!) or maybe I just want one. I also want sushi but that may not happen.. can't believe how expensive that stuff is....I'm looking forward to a quiet night at home by myself. I often feel like there's not enough and too much of those. After the last couple of days, I'm all over it though. Perhaps I'll read other blogs tonight as I did for a while today.. Perhaps I will fall asleep on the couch (likely). Perhaps I will ponder a "to do" list for tomorrow. Perhaps whatever... :)
I thought that if I left around 11:40 I could still make it to Hands in time for joining hands at 12. Next time I looked at the clock it was 11:47 or something like that.. we were still on the parade route.. um.. maybe not..
Ok, so I shirked my demonstration duties. I'm very passionate about the cause.... BUT
But, I was having so much fun.. and I was happy to support my friends who are gay/bi. Of course everyone there thought I was gay, despite my little tiny button that I'd acquired from a very cute gay man that said "boy kisser". He had one too. He didn't seem offended when I took one from him (they were giving out both gender to everyone and had LOADS), but he did seem a little bit surprised... It was a BLAST.. I was dancing in the truck, outside the truck, while I was driving the truck.. Honestly, it's the most fun I've had in a very long time. Even amidst hundreds/thousands of men dressed in leather and harnesses, drag queens, and various and sundry other unusualties?(oddities?), I was still a novelty.. Still got my picture taken.. still got goofy looks. I'll never understand that.. must be something about me in particular.. just a freak.. maybe people see a kindred spirit.. maybe they just see a weirdo. I'll only regret it if someone walks up to me in the grocery store and says "Hey! Aren't you that girl from Pride that wore the tutu and the fairy wings?"... Then I'll shrink back in my hole. My only solace at that point is that I hopefully won't be here for that to happen.. Time is getting short.. Thank Cat!
I'm wretchedly sunburnt... some days it doesn't even occur to me to put sunscreen on.. today it was.. well I'm not going to be out all day and I've got glitter on and the 2 just don't work together.. excuses excuses.. I'm lobster! It's ok.. hopefully this will be the exten of the damage that my skin gets during its remainder of term in Florida.. I vow to make a strong attempt at thinking about considering putting sunscreen on for any further forays outside.. maybe. No, seriously I ought to because if I don't I may start looking my age and that would be AWFUL! *note to self - wear sunscreen or = old. ok.. now just to remember that..planning and forethought..
so during the rest of the day today I've been chatting with an awesome friend, and painting... I painted the upstairs hallway.. it was the last vestige of unpainted wall in this house (barring closets which I do not paint). I'm glad it's done.. it looks good.. much better than randomly black/dirt marked construction vanilla walls. it's a shame that completing such a largish project doesn't get more credit than a single cross off of a line.. *snif*. It was more work than taking down Forest's stars, or paying the cable bill.. it needs a party for such an accomplishment.. especially since it's taken me what? almost 3 years to get it done.. well, it's done.. now all I have to do is wait for the paint to finish drying and put the switchplates on... wonder how long it'll take me to accomplish that.. LOL the first time that I stick my finger into the open light switch and electrocute myself is when I'll do it.. no.. I'll do it before that... I'm not THAT bad (she says smacking her head from past experience).
I told another friend today that I was going "radio silent". Really I just didn't want to speak to him.. I told him that I wasn't answering phone calls or emails or responding to facebook until Monday. I wonder if I can make it that long. I'll probably respond to everyone but him (except facebook). I'm really tired of the current mentality of drama and that's what it all comes down to.. Everyone wants to speculate and blame someone or something else for the shittiness of their lives. Own up people - ya did it to yourself. Accept it.. no mother ship is going to come and save you from it... if you want things to be different, then change them. BTW, blame is pointless and accomplishes nothing. Owning that you screwed up - valuable.. beyond that.. it means nothing. The point is learning from your mistakes.
And so that brings us to now... and what comes next? I have no clue. I feel a Slurpee may be in my future.. my celebration for completing such a magnanimous project (ha!) or maybe I just want one. I also want sushi but that may not happen.. can't believe how expensive that stuff is....I'm looking forward to a quiet night at home by myself. I often feel like there's not enough and too much of those. After the last couple of days, I'm all over it though. Perhaps I'll read other blogs tonight as I did for a while today.. Perhaps I will fall asleep on the couch (likely). Perhaps I will ponder a "to do" list for tomorrow. Perhaps whatever... :)
Friday, June 25, 2010
aaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrggggggggggggggggggggghh!!!
My boss told me that he had a few things for me to do and then I should send him an invoice and I'd have a couple of weeks off... fantastic.. not that I couldn't use the money by working.. because man I could! (the dude owes me CASH) but I also could use the time to prep for court and get some stuff done to the house to move out (packing, painting etc). Ok.. I get stuff done. He adds more. I get more stuff done. He goes in and SCREWS IT UP! Then he calls me saying that I did something wrong. um.. HELLO?! So, I go back in, look at it.. fix his screw up.. and then send him an email. I should've just not given him the passwords... grrrrrrrrr...
On the other hand - literally, while he's screwing stuff up I have a little bit of time to start painting the upstairs hallway. It's about 1/3 of the way done. I'm doing it by brush because I can't bear to go to the store and spend money on rollers. After painting now 3 rooms by brush I've figured out that it's far more efficient paint-wise to paint by brush.. lots of waste with the roller. But of course it takes 2-3 times as long.. note.. short on money or short on time - whichever one is more pressing is which one wins. Of course the ecological advantage to using brushes is that they're reusable and you're not throwing away paint or disposable rollers. YAY! Of course, now I've got the shakes from trying to hold the paint pan still for hours on end.. I HATE the shakes... I wish I knew the extent of my nerve damage from the surgery/condition. It would make things a lot easier.. then I would know what my true limits are. Of course all of this should be fine within 24 hours of finishing the painting.. it's just a drag in the meantime.
Now that I've finished fixing all of my boss' screw-ups and finished my pan of paint, I'm heading out to the gym. I'm not sure if I'm going to do any more painting tonight or not. I'm toying with the idea of emailing someone about the pride parade tomorrow. A girl had asked me to help hand out her business card. I'm also toying with the idea of going and buying a t-shirt and making an anti-BP t shirt for Hands across the sand tomorrow. *sigh*
On the other hand - literally, while he's screwing stuff up I have a little bit of time to start painting the upstairs hallway. It's about 1/3 of the way done. I'm doing it by brush because I can't bear to go to the store and spend money on rollers. After painting now 3 rooms by brush I've figured out that it's far more efficient paint-wise to paint by brush.. lots of waste with the roller. But of course it takes 2-3 times as long.. note.. short on money or short on time - whichever one is more pressing is which one wins. Of course the ecological advantage to using brushes is that they're reusable and you're not throwing away paint or disposable rollers. YAY! Of course, now I've got the shakes from trying to hold the paint pan still for hours on end.. I HATE the shakes... I wish I knew the extent of my nerve damage from the surgery/condition. It would make things a lot easier.. then I would know what my true limits are. Of course all of this should be fine within 24 hours of finishing the painting.. it's just a drag in the meantime.
Now that I've finished fixing all of my boss' screw-ups and finished my pan of paint, I'm heading out to the gym. I'm not sure if I'm going to do any more painting tonight or not. I'm toying with the idea of emailing someone about the pride parade tomorrow. A girl had asked me to help hand out her business card. I'm also toying with the idea of going and buying a t-shirt and making an anti-BP t shirt for Hands across the sand tomorrow. *sigh*
water and swirling vortices
It's amazing what phone calls and food can do to your brain. I think if I existed without eating my brain would be clear all the time.
So far today I have...
- filled out 1/2 of my student loan paperwork for school (couldn't do the other 1/2 because of system maintenance)
- prime/painted patched holes in the upstairs hallway
- taken the remaining stars down from Forest's ceiling
- emailed my boss harassing him to pay me
there's sooooo much more to do.. I'm overwhelmed.
bills to pay, gym, laundry to do, painting, checks to deposit (reluctantly)
Honestly, if I can get at least one of the bills paid today (drop off), throw some laundry in, deposit a check (atm maybe?), paint, and I'd really like to repack these 3 boxes that I've got that are hugemongous.. that would be good...
now if I can just budget my time and get my ass off this chair to go do it.
oy!
So far today I have...
- filled out 1/2 of my student loan paperwork for school (couldn't do the other 1/2 because of system maintenance)
- prime/painted patched holes in the upstairs hallway
- taken the remaining stars down from Forest's ceiling
- emailed my boss harassing him to pay me
there's sooooo much more to do.. I'm overwhelmed.
bills to pay, gym, laundry to do, painting, checks to deposit (reluctantly)
Honestly, if I can get at least one of the bills paid today (drop off), throw some laundry in, deposit a check (atm maybe?), paint, and I'd really like to repack these 3 boxes that I've got that are hugemongous.. that would be good...
now if I can just budget my time and get my ass off this chair to go do it.
oy!
Fire?
Something must've lit a fire under my ass last night while I was sleeping, because I woke up with all kinds of energy this morning. Of course I haven't used any of it... I'm just gearing up... at least that's what I'm trying to tell myself. I'm going to attempt to tackle something I've been procrastinating on for um... a long time.. painting the hallway. This is the last area of this house that needs to be painted. Other than that, I only have touch ups to do before I can move out. I may mix up something special in the way of paint. We shall see. I'm too cheap to go out and buy a whole other gallon of paint. $40 for environmentally friendly paint is just too much on a moving budget.
So in the midst of all of that I also have some other random business I need to conduct. It'll be amazing if I get it all done. Things to do for school (which starts in 3 months! yeeeeehaaaaw!), things to do for the move, bills, whatever... mixed in with whatever else I can get done. Selling furniture.. oh yeah...right now it all seems so daunting.
Manual labor is the perfect time to either obsess about everything that's wrong with my life, daydream, or figure out solutions to daunting issues. I'm hoping for all three... and to chalk some stuff off of my to do list.
until then.
So in the midst of all of that I also have some other random business I need to conduct. It'll be amazing if I get it all done. Things to do for school (which starts in 3 months! yeeeeehaaaaw!), things to do for the move, bills, whatever... mixed in with whatever else I can get done. Selling furniture.. oh yeah...right now it all seems so daunting.
Manual labor is the perfect time to either obsess about everything that's wrong with my life, daydream, or figure out solutions to daunting issues. I'm hoping for all three... and to chalk some stuff off of my to do list.
until then.
Thursday, June 24, 2010
From the Beginning
This is how it all started.. Well, not really. We pick up the story somewhere not quite in the middle.. but somewhere in the middle of a journey. While I'm never one to do anything on a small scale, this time it's no different. I'm preparing for what I hope to be one of the greatest journeys of my life.
For the most part, the details up until now are inconsequential (why did I get visions of Dr. Evil talking about shorn testicles just now?). But suffice it to say, I'm 36 (what?), single, divorced, mother of 2 of the coolest boys you've ever or will ever meet. I've got interests from astrophysics to metaphysics. It really is my goal to change the world.
So, here we are, right now. This is how we got here. Welcome.
For the most part, the details up until now are inconsequential (why did I get visions of Dr. Evil talking about shorn testicles just now?). But suffice it to say, I'm 36 (what?), single, divorced, mother of 2 of the coolest boys you've ever or will ever meet. I've got interests from astrophysics to metaphysics. It really is my goal to change the world.
So, here we are, right now. This is how we got here. Welcome.
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