where to begin.. where to end?

I don't even know where to begin... In the last day, everything that I was planning for has been lost. Everything that I've been working for for at least the last year has been lost. The magistrate ruled against me. I can't leave. I'm literally stuck here. I'm in the same position that I started in over a year ago... no prospects, no ambition.. just more debt, no savings, more frustration... except now there's a piece of paper that says I can't get out of it.
I'm still a little bit numb. I'm so angry. Everyone is telling me to fight. It seems like every time I fight lately (last 5 years), I lose. Nothing has gone how it was supposed to go. There's no support. there's no plan.

Some part in the back of my head keeps smiling and well, grinning actually, and saying.. don't worry honey - it's all going to be fine.. you'll see.. and not in a patronizing way - but in a knowing way. I wish I had her insight. I wish I knew what it was that she knew - because the rest of me is worried about what I'm going to do now - and knows that right now - there's no where to go, nothing to do, but she can't stay here.

As things stand right now, I'm looking at destitution within the next year if not sooner. Once child support changes next September, my "income" halves and I have no way to pay rent or bills or anything else. I can't let this happen.

I feel so lost.. I have a goal, I have a purpose, I have an acceptance! and I can't use it. I don't understand.